You Are More Charismatic Than You Think. Here Is How to Own It.
The Fear That Hides Your Presence
Entrepreneur Jesse Itzler once said, "The best gift you can give yourself is getting over the fear of embarrassment because then you're completely free to try anything."
That line has stayed with me because it captures something I witness in my executive coaching all the time. When people believe they lack charisma, it’s rarely about skill, preparation, or even confidence. More often, it’s the fear of being truly seen, and the worry of not getting it right.
That fear is one of the biggest barriers I see holding accomplished leaders back from their most magnetic, authentic presence. Not because they are incapable of it. But somewhere along the way, they decided it was safer to hold back than to risk being too much, too visible, or imperfect in a room full of people watching.
So, instead of simply showing up, they manage how they appear. They present a controlled, safe version of themselves, rather than letting their real selves shine through. In doing so, they lose touch with the very quality that draws people in: their natural charisma.
Charisma Is Not What Most People Think It Is
When you hear the word charisma, you might picture someone who lights up a room, commands attention, tells captivating stories, and leaves every conversation feeling special. If you don’t see yourself that way, it’s easy to assume charisma is something you’re either born with or not.
But that simply isn’t true. Charisma isn’t a personality type or about being the loudest or most entertaining person in the room. It’s not reserved for a select few.
At its core, charisma is a blend of warmth, competence, and presence. It’s what happens when you show up in a way that makes others feel truly seen, heard, and valued. You don’t need to be loud or perfect. You just need to align who you are inside with how you show up on the outside.
That’s a very different definition than most people carry, and it changes everything about who can claim charisma.
The Introvert Advantage No One Talks About
One of the most common things I hear from leaders I coach is, “I’m just not that kind of person.”
Usually, they’re thinking of the performative, extroverted version of charisma that dominates our culture. They see someone commanding a stage or working a room and assume that’s what it takes to be magnetic.
But some of the most naturally charismatic leaders I have ever worked with are introverts. And research supports this. Studies suggest that more men than women identify as introverted, and many of them lead at the highest levels of business, technology, and public service. They have learned when and how to step beyond their natural comfort zone when the situation requires it, without abandoning who they are.
Being introverted is not a fixed limitation. It is merely a starting point. And many introverted leaders have a natural advantage in executive presence because they tend to listen more deeply, observe more carefully, and speak with greater deliberation, which are not weaknesses. Those are some of the most sought-after leadership qualities in high-stakes environments. You do not need a bombastic presence or a billion-watt nuclear reactor to be charismatic. A calming, intimate presence can be just as powerful and just as memorable. The question is not whether you have charisma. The question is whether you are allowing yourself access to it.
What Actually Makes a Leader Magnetic
If charisma isn’t about personality or performance, what is it really?
In my experience, charisma is all about alignment. When your inner experience matches your outer expression, people notice right away. There’s a natural coherence in how you speak, carry yourself, and connect with others. Nothing feels forced or rehearsed because it feels and is real. And real is what builds trust.
That’s the difference between charm and charisma. Charm is surface-level because it’s engaging and likable, but it doesn’t last. Charisma runs deeper. It’s what draws people to you, not because you’re entertaining, but because they feel something real in your presence.
The most magnetic leaders are the ones who stop worrying about how they’re perceived and start focusing on being fully present. That means getting comfortable with imperfection, accepting that not every room will respond the way you hope, and trusting that your authentic self is more compelling than any performance.
That takes courage, and it’s the foundation of what I call the IT Factor.
The IT Factor Is Not What You Think
The IT Factor seems as though someone "has it," as if it is a gift certain people were born with and others were not. But that is not what it is. Not even close.
The IT Factor is Intentional Transformation. It’s the ongoing, deliberate process of aligning your physical, mental, and relational self, so who you are and how you show up are in sync. It’s not a single breakthrough moment. It’s a practice. A daily choice to close the gap between the leader you know you can be and the presence you actually bring into the room.
From what I’ve seen, the leaders who develop the strongest executive presence aren’t the ones who start out with the most confidence. They’re the ones who stop performing and start practicing alignment. When they do, people respond differently because they’re letting more of their true selves shine through.
What Would Change If You Stopped Being Afraid to Be Seen?
Jesse Itzler’s insight is simple but powerful: get over the fear of embarrassment, and you’re free to try anything. In leadership, this is profound. What stands between most leaders and their most authentic, charismatic presence isn’t a lack of skill—it’s the fear of being seen in a way they can’t control.
What would change for you if you released that fear? Imagine what could change if you let that fear go. What if, the next time you walked into a room, you stopped worrying about how you’d be perceived and simply brought your most honest, authentic self? You don’t need to become someone new with a bigger personality, a louder voice, or a more polished exterior. You just need to stop hiding the presence you already have behind the fear that it’s not good enough. Start with a single, intentional choice to show up as who you are, and trust that it is more than enough.
If you enjoyed this blog post, here are some other resources you might enjoy:
My book, Dare To Own You: Taking Your Authenticity and Dreams Into Your Next Chapter, the winner of two Feathered Quill Book awards, a Book Excellence award, and recommended by Forbes in 2022 as “a teaching memoir”.
My work as a keynote speaker, executive coach and communication expert. You can read more about more of myserviceshere.
My podcast, the"Live Your Best Life with Liz Brunner" podcast: An award-winning and internationally streamed show that highlights powerful stories of re-creation and reinvention from guests who have taken their life experiences, and used that knowledge to create their “next chapters” and live their best lives.
Interested in Taking Yourself or Your Executive Team to the Next Level?
Brunner Communications assists high-profile individuals and organizations in sharpening and developing top level business communication, executive presence, and public speaking skills. Our passionate team provides one-on-one executive business coaching, and runs specialized business workshops. Through customized training, clients learn the necessary skills to become great communicators and build a marketable reputation.